She wore an itsy bitsy, teeny.....WEENIE BIKINI!!

Ahhhh!!!
So somehow I managed to loose my bathing suit bottoms. And as I have a ticket for a plane that leaves for island paradise tomorrow morning, I figured I needed to remedy this situation. After 5 hours of maniacal shopping for a bathing suit in a 3 story mall (scariness) and finding nothing but thongs, and grannie bottoms, I got desperate. There was a Speedo shop in said mall, and although that was the first place I went, I found nothing I would vaguely consider clading my body with there. But I was thinking inside the box. Four hours after my original attempt, I returned. And I went directly to the children´s section...specifically, the boy´s section. You see in Latin America the girls all wear thongs and the boys all wear speedos, otherwise known as weenie bikinis. But the weenie bikinis are exactly like the bikini bottoms that say a girl from the United States would be looking for. I plunged in, much to the distress of the salespeople. They tried explaining, in a very polite and perhaps slightly patronizing tone, that those bottoms were for children, male children. I just smiled, nodded, told them that, yes I was aware of that, and continued pulling lycra bottoms for the wall. They began to look seriously worried at this point. ANd started searching through the women´s section trying, in vain, to find something that was not a thong for me.
Sort of long story short, I triumphed and found the perfect weenie bikini. It´s just my size. The sales people were horrified and I was greatly pleased with my purchase. I also learned that ambiguity is not quite as cool here in Latin America as it is up north and even things like bathing suits have clear gender demarcations. Ah well. Just another day well spent as the crazy gringo. But now off to the beach!! Fishes beware!!