You might smell like vanilla, but you´re still a gorilla

Ways Not To "Get the Girl":
(yes, this is a mini vent session)


1. Propose to come visit her in her hotel while your wife and 8 year old child are in the room next door. If she points out the fact that you are married and have a child, DO NOT proceed to give her the speech about "living in the moment."

2. If you are a hotel owner, do not personally come into a woman´s room (unasked) at 3 in the morning to wake her up for her 4 am bus ride.

3. Do not lunge at a woman while having a conversation with her.

4. If a girl leaves the door to her room unlocked when she goes down the hall to the bathroom, do not enter her room univited expecting her to find you a pleasant surprise upon her return.

5. No hissing. Or whistling.

After a particularly difficult week of being the only single and only white female on a 2 mile stretch of island, I thought I should create some guidlines for the men of South America as to what is appropriate behavior when talking to western women. Or any women for that matter. I would also like to dedicate the song King Kong (Attack of the Egomanic) by Kudu to the egomaniacs of the world, and point out that while you might smell like vanilla, you can still be a gorilla.