Sex and Rainbows

Recently, I've been having some trouble coming up with answers to several questions concerning my "direction in life" that keep plaguing me. So I decided to ask a unicorn. Here are a list of my questions, followed by the responses given by a virtual representation of a cardboard unicorn:

Q: What would a unicorn do if it wanted to go to Grad school but was afraid of going $30,000 dollars into debt?

A: Chase a rainbow

Q: What would a unicorn do if it found itself extremely sexually frustrated?

A: Pose on a windy cliff

Q: What would a unicorn do if it wanted to bicycle across the country with the rest of its cool unicorn friends, but had no money?

A: Whinny and rear

My analysis of my unicorn's advice? Well, chasing a rainbow could be interpreted to mean that I should chase after my dream of going to get an MFA. Find my pot of gold, that type of thing. But while rainbows are beautiful (like dreams) they are also fleeting!!! OH NO!!! Does this mean that my desire to go to grad school is only fleeting and illusory??? Something that will disappear after I have been there for a year and dropped 20 grand?? Shit!! Ok, don't freak out, lets move on to the next question and gauge this unicorn's savvy......

Ok. So my horny unicorn would pose on a windy cliff. Pretty solid advice. I think that means my unicorn would "get out there." Much better advice than, say, "impale a newborn." Oops, I mean evil things...

Speaking of impaling evil things, that would be MUCH better advice to solving my bicycle dilemma than "whinny and rear!" I mean, at least impaling shit would allow me to work out my frustrations in a productive manner. "Believe in miracles" would also be good advice. Whinny and rear?? I think my unicorn is more sexually frustrated than he wants to admit.

Conclusions?? Don't ask unicorns for advice. All they can think about is sex and rainbows. Also, imagining unicorns riding bicycles and wearing helmets is fun. (They would totally be riding pink and purple Huffy's with streamers.)